Limitation vs identification vs inward considering-Find out which one is the cause of your depression
Identification or Attachment
Author’s note: This is a continuation from the previous blog post so if you haven’t read it yet, you might as well do. Thanks
This is the second major cause of negative emotions. This occurs when you take something personally or you become too attached to a person or thing.
You see the unhappy outcome of an event or circumstance as a personal affront or attack on you or on something, you believe in or hold dearly. You become emotionally involved in a situation and identify so strongly with it that it affects your emotions in a negative way.
Psychologist and philosopher William James of Harvard wrote, “The very first step in dealing with any difficulty is to be willing to have it so” He encouraged people to say “What cannot be cured must be endured”.
In other words, practice detachment from any person or situation that makes you feel angry or upset. Withdraw the emotional energy from it so that you can regain your calmness and composure.
This approach doesn’t suggest that you passively accept anything that happens to you. Instead, it encourages you to use your willpower to keep your mind and emotions under control. You discipline yourself to stand back mentally and deal with the problem intelligently. You use your mind to see the situation objectively and make better decisions to resolve it.
Nothing and no one can have control over you unless you still want something from them. They must have something that they can still give you or withhold from you. As soon as you detach yourself emotionally from a person or object and no longer want anything from them, you are free.
The ability to practice detachment is a power you can only develop through practice.
One of the kindest things you can do to help others is to encourage them to stand back from a problem or situation and be objective about it. Encourage them to view the situation as if it was happening to someone else. What advice would they have given in a situation like this?
The third major cause of depression is inward considering. This occurs when you become overly concerned with the way people are treating you. If you feel that someone is not giving you the respect you deserve, you feel insulted and angry. This interpretation of their attitude can make you feel angry or depressed. It might even lower your self-esteem.
Psychologists say that everything you do is to increase our self-esteem and sense of personal value, or to protect it from being diminished by other people and circumstances.
If your self-esteem is not as high as it should be, you will be sensitive to the actions and reactions of other people towards you.
You will take everything personally, exactly as if what they said or did was consciously and deliberately directed at you.
As much as 99% of the time, people are wrapped up in their own thoughts about themselves. They devote the other 1% of emotional energy they have available to everyone else in the world.
The person who cuts out all the traffic is so involved with his own thoughts, he is not even aware of your existence.
There is a rule that I have learned that says “Never do or refrain from something because you are concerned about what people might think about you. The fact is that nobody is thinking about you at all”
It is amazing how people make decisions to get into relationships, new endeavors, adventures and other things for fear that someone else might disapprove. They stay in the marriages they hate, they work at the jobs they dislike, or they turn down business opportunities for fear that someone, anyone might criticize them. The truth is that nobody cares about your key life decisions than you do.
The best way to get over this fear of others is by being completely honest with yourself. In Abraham Maslow’s studies of self-actualizing people, those 1 or 2 percent of men and women who are fully mature, fully functioning adults were completely honest with themselves.
They were objective and clear about their strengths and weaknesses. They did not hope or pretend that they were not what they were.
This self-acceptance was a foundation stone of their self-esteem and self-respect.
Because they know who they are, who they are not, they did not feel they continually needed to earn the approval of others. We all need to do the same.